After a long hiatus from the online dating world, I allowed the healed version of me try it again. I even listened to dating coaches on YouTube, who were against online dating. After one week of being online, I see why! Online dating is “convenient” and lacks true effort or ambition – it also keeps people disconnected and secluded at home, instead of getting out, getting connected and interacting in community.
During this one week, I received quite a bit of interest from prospective males. Some sent brief messages, most of which came from that programmed dialogue box: “What can you tell me about yourself?,” “Where do you live?,” “Where are you from?,” and “What kind of work do you do?.”
Occasionally, I reached out first. However, I quickly found myself distracted with all the obvious issues in their profiles – these men clearly needed help!
Top three descriptions and/or interactions – in their exact words!
- “I’m a dude. Single. Looking to invest in a friendship that could develop into more. Into candlelight dinners & being choked.”
- “Well you are so very beautiful would love to get something casual going and relationship I to and from West Melbourne and I love to get a bottle of oil and play twister with you haha joking sexy”
- Another man, late 40s, living at home with parents, no car and doesn’t drive (years long unresolved car accident trauma), claims to have won $50K in lottery money, crafts marijuana infused butter. He offered to send me a video of him getting high, because he’s “goofy like that.”
“I’m tired of the BS, tired of the lying, tired of being hurt, etc.” So many men moaning about the same issue. Time to work on yourselves, gentlemen (same goes for the ladies!). Heal yourself, raise your vibration and start attracting quality women who appreciate you!
Hmmm, didn’t you mean to upload that photo to Angler Magazine?
Wearing hats, sunglasses while holding a fish, because… we have x-ray vision and can see what you actually look like?
Others must be trying for a feature photo in Muscle & Fitness Magazine with all those chest and bicep close ups.
Clearly (intentional pun) they must see that blurry-ass photo they’re uploading! Baby and teen-aged photos gotta go! Is that younger version of you available? I think not! Please stop posting these photos. Who doesn’t have a cell phone (or a friend with a cell phone) to take a current selfie?!
Resisting the urge to spot those rogue nostril hairs in that under the nose shot! Do I really need explain why NOT to take a selfie at this angle??
Oh, oh, oh…that au natural beard…I shuddered with each profile pic displaying that unkept appearance. Groomed and shaped to fit the face is best, but…ungroomed and unshaped is also unappealing. Imagine that burly bush coming in at your face to get a kiss...blech!
Are you really taking a selfie in a toothpaste splattered bathroom mirror? Really?? We truly don’t care if your bathroom is “white glove clean”, no bathroom photos, please!
If your bedroom selfie looks like a bomb exploded or you could be on the next episode of “Hoarders,” tidy up first!
Why the Hell are you so angry? Those stern expressions and furrowed brows…wow! I even found myself with a furrowed brow after looking at all those serious profile pics!
These men are likely trying the best they know how, but…
Reflection & Tips:
One week of online dating taught me how much I enjoy getting out of my house and connecting face to face with people. This way provides ample opportunity for genuine connection and energy exchanges with potential dating prospects.
I also learned how good I feel when I use my voice and speak up when I no longer wish to correspond with someone – it’s not what you say, but how you say it.
I learned that men would benefit greatly from listening to dating coaches on YouTube!
If women are determined to try online dating to find a relationship, here are a couple helpful strategies (based on dating coach advice) to flush out the players:
- Communicate for about one week online, before offering your phone number.
- That first call needs to be a video chat! A video chat verifies both your identities. I ran across 3 men who refused to video chat for various silly reasons – usually means they are hiding something or someone (wife, girlfriend). In addition, this could also mean they are not serious about finding a relationship.
- Let him court you, not the other way around. This takes time.
Ladies, below is Matt Boggs, relationship expert – aha moments abound in this video! An unhealthy marriage was modeled for me while growing up – as well, I was not taught about healthy relationships or self-respecting boundaries. My childhood trauma resulted in me being “too nice” – as a result, I was disrespected, used and walked on by men (with the exception of one).
This video helped me recognize, understand and reprogram!
Kelli P Coats 